Ruminating Over A "New" New Year Diet Regimen

January 21, 2019

Tags: new year diet, funny dieting story, comedy, new year resolutions, mother and mother-in-laws

Ruminating Over A “New” New Year Diet Regimen

As the New Year arrived, a friend’s daughter lovingly sent her mother and mother-in-law a new twist on dieting. She forwarded this suggestion from Dr. Oz. Having seen almost every diet known to women, the mothers’ responses brings a chuckle. Some names and locations have been doctored but not the content.

Dear Mother and Mother in Law,

What an amazing Christmas we just had. The calories were splendid and irresistible. As the New Year begins, don’t you think it’s time we reverse the effect? I thought you'd be interested in Dr. Oz’s diet of the year. He believes it’s the key to weight loss in 2019.

Here is the advice from Dr. Oz:

“Don’t eat food until you see the sun in the morning [and] stop eating when the sun goes down,” Oz told Page Six in December. “It’s sort of intermittent fasting but it gives you more freedom,” he said of the popular diet trend where eating is allowed for just eight hours a day.

While chatting at the Page Six Style launch party at Barney’s New York, the health guru, 58, said the eating plan is “the biggest idea I’ve heard on dieting in a long time.” He explained the “circadian rhythm,” the 24-hour clock which governs a lot of what happens in our body, including how we process food.

While the sun is up, Oz says, you can eat what you want except simple carbs.
And even though the struggle may be real, as the sun sets earlier during the first months of the year, he says “the non-diet diet” works!
Dear Daughter,

“What is this? Do you realize this could be fake news as the article appeared in the infamous New York Post, the cradle of NYC trash? Whenever I had been weak and bought this gossip rag I hid the copy from public eyes. I didn't know you were subscribing to the Post again. I know you get its juicy news in the iPhone. You must have been pressed for material if you opened the app while celebrating New Year’s Eve in New Orleans.

¡Ay, Dios mío! Just imagine if I were to start eating at 6 in the morning and stop eating at 6 at night I would put on so much weight... What would I eat after a hefty breakfast, an early morning snack, a mid-morning snack, a before lunch snack and so on?

I have a feeling my future is in the laser treatments you and my son-in-law go through than in changing my circadian rhythms... I don't mind a little body pain for iron abs ¿?”

Love and hugs,
Mother

Dear Daughter in Law,

“Thank you for including me in this dietary advice from Dr. Oz.

My super scientific research “enhanced” by today’s coffee tells me that in the Northeast (results vary by city) and around the summer solstice (June 20-23), we have approximately 15 hours out of 24 to eat. Hooray!!! Bring on the waterside cookouts, dining & snacking 🏝⛱🏝!!!

In the winter around the solstice (December 20-23), we only have about 10 hours to eat, and they have to be after 7:00 a.m. and before 5:00 p.m. Throw out the cozy late dinners and Christmas parties. Quel horreur!!! Eat in the car on the way to work and again in the car on the way home.

My fear is that Dr. Oz had too much rum in his eggnog when he came up with this one. I hope he will be OK.

Happy New Year all!!!

Love, Your Mother in Law ❤️🥳❤️

P.S. See this note below from your father-in-law. I’m not amused with him!

Dear Daughter-in-law,
Your mother-in-law has tried every diet known to women! Always right after the holidays. This is a new one. Are you going to try? Seems awfully hard for a bustling big city life style. Interesting though. Might work for some seniors who hit the sack shortly after 7 pm. Love, your “Father-in-Law”